Despite having 2 partners and a lover/evolving relationship, I spend a LOT of time by myself. For the most part, this is OK. I've lived alone for the past 8 years, so I'm very comfortable with myself. But there are times where spending so much time alone starts to get to me...especially during these dark winter months when I am affected by winter S.A.D.
Earlier this year, Bear got a new job that required him to work a minimum of 15 hours a day, 5 days a week. This meant that we went from seeing each other almost every day to only spending time on weekends. It has been tough because we are trying to plan a wedding, find a new apartment to move in together, and well, I just plain miss him all the time. We talk several times a day on the phone but it's not the same. I am trying be all "adult" about it and realize that many couples don't spend that much time together because they are trying to keep their lives on track and mundanity takes over. But I miss Bear during the week and I'm looking forward to the day we live together, so at least I know he's around in some capacity.
Birdfriend currently works 4 paying jobs, and usually 1-2 volunteer jobs at any given time. Thus, scheduling time with Birdfriend can be a challenge. We usually end up spending about one full evening a week (5-6 hours) together and we use that time to catch up, get into D/s space, snuggle, and share ideas for the future.
Yak's work schedule is on a rotation that I have yet to understand. But suffice to say, I see her usually once a week for a lovely time of connection, cuddles, and sex. She's about to go wandering off again, this time to Peru for three weeks. I'm going to really miss her (again) while she's gone. Yak's trip opens up more time in my schedule this month, and given all I have to do in the next couple of months, I am going to throw myself into plans and projects for the next while.
There's a funny myth around poly that if you are somehow dating or partnered with several people that you'll never have to worry about being alone, something I find ironic given my current poly situation.
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Adventure, ho! |
With all of my partners tied up with many jobs, trips, volunteering, and hobbies, it means that I spend about 50-75% of my week (outside of work) alone. That's a lot for someone who has three poly connections! The best thing for me to do is to focus on myself and my needs, and not pine too hard for any one person. This can be harder said than done though, as I'm a very extroverted person and I often feel more grounded when I'm with others than when I'm toute seule. Add Seasonal Affective Disorder and some ongoing depression coupled with chronic pain, and well - I'm a little concerned for myself in the coming weeks...
But I remind myself that:
I'm going to make sure that I spend more time with Birdfriend (when possible) and other friends in the next couple of months to ward off the effects of S.A.D. and loneliness. I also have a fantastic trip to New Zealand in January to plan with Birdfriend and get hyped up for. I have a birthday thrown in there too and will try and gather my friends to celebrate me for a day. I will go back to pilates and Nia and feel good in my body and reconnect with my friends in those places. I pledge to look after me during my alone time. It's really the only thing to do.
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