Janus - looking forward/looking back

The Greek God Janus, where the mature face represents the past and the youthful face represents the future. This god gives January it's name.

The new year is always a time of reflection for most people. We look back at the past twelve months and we think on all that happened. We look ahead at the next twelve months and promise to do better. For the first time ever, I posted a video to Facebook with a call to action for everyone to do their best in 2017 as humanity as a whole deserves better.

For myself, it is even more of a poignant time for me as my birthday is next week, and I'm deep in the throes of Seasonal Affective Disorder symptoms.

Oiy, do I ever right now!

I was really sick over the holidays, which meant that I didn't get the ring in the New Year with my chosen family of polyamorous perverts. Instead, I was medicated and wrapped up in bed with Bear keeping me warm. My plan is to treat my birthday as my "true new year" since I missed out.

My birthday is a time of self reflection...I usually spend the day alone doing self-care like going for a float in a sensory deprivation tank, or going to Nia, or yoga, or eating some tasty healthy food in a local restaurant. It's also a time for goal/intention setting as well. It can be a tough time for me though due to my S.A.D. making things difficult, and also because I am really hard on myself and am always constantly striving to do more, better, all the time. I get frustrated with my physical and monetary restrictions. So this year, I'm going to focus on what I can do instead of focussing on some ideal that isn't attainable for me. I'll share these goals later after my birthday.

Things are shifting in my poly world. Both my lover and my Birdfriend have started dating other people in the past month. This means that my feelings are getting tripped up more frequently and I find myself clarifying things with both of them so that I don't make assumptions and do something stupid due to my insecurities.

My work friend T asked me if I was jealous of Yak dating other people. I said no. And I mean no. But that doesn't mean that insecurity hasn't crept into my head from time to time as the Yak and I are still learning how best to communicate through this changing time. I try and share my thoughts with her as best I can and try to ensure that I understand her perspective as well. I'm trying to keep things in the present moment and not get ahead of myself.

Best thing to do when you feel insecure or jealous - identify the underlying emotion and then communicate!

I'm glad that Birdfriend is dating again. However, I've been experiencing some awkward feelings as Birdfriend and I seem to keep finding the same people attractive. I don't feel like I'm "in competition" with Birdfriend for these other potential lovers etc., but it can create some tension in our relationship, which I know we both want to avoid. Sometimes it is unavoidable though, and we need to come together and find a solution to move forward. Again, it all comes down to communication!

With both my non-primaries busy, it means that I have more time for myself and it unfortunately also signifies more scheduling woes as I now need to work around my Birdfriend's or Yak's other dates. Time is the most precious thing we have, so I elect to try and spend the majority of it with my loves. This can be tough if everyone is working or dating others or just plain busy... There is a positive flip side to all this though - I have about four months until my wedding day and there is so much to plan and DO! (I have lots to write about on this later).

Anyway, here's to getting through 2017 with grace, ease, style, and solid communication. Love to you all!