Since I developed this blog about a year ago, I've been wanting to write a piece specifically about bisexual men. I am very curious about how the experiences of bisexual men differ from women, and so I've been collecting online articles, watching YouTube videos, and speaking with the bi men in my social circle to get a better idea of how bisexual men move through the world. The differences are interesting to say the least...
Where bisexual women are often perceived as straight and wanting male attention, bisexual men are often perceived as gay. These stereotypes are toxic and cissexist. I think that Eliel Cruz said it best in this article:
For a man to be interested in multiple genders, especially those from either ends of the feminine or masculine spectrum, breaks down the cisheternormative idea of a binary attraction in which masculinity must attract femininity.
The stereotype, which is cissexist, is that bi women are actually straight and bi men are actually gay because of the attraction to men. A patriarchal, and binary, understanding of sexuality says that once you like men you must only like men.
Here's a painful example from a survey that Glamour Magazine ran last year:
The "bisexual men don't exist" idea is so prevalent that men are often pushed to either create a supportive community because there is no space for them in LGBTQ2 circles despite the B being a clear part of that acronym; or they stay in the closet or are vague about their sexuality to others because they don't feel safe to come out and be accepted for who they are. Because bisexual men are often just seen as gay and therefore, sexual predators (shudder, another stereotype that needs to die), they get pushed out of their jobs if they come out, like this bi teacher in Kentucky who came out to his class to help support a suicidal LGBTQ2 teen. We need to support these men. They are people too!
For more "reactions" by women about men coming out to them as bi, go check out this article.
This video is an awesome look into the stereotypes around bisexual men, definitely worth a watch! TheNotAdam has many "Ask a Bi Guy" episodes, so if you want to delve deep into topics around men's bisexuality, go for it!
Given how I view human sexuality as this fluid, evolving, and highly personal thing, I totally disagree with the stereotype about bi men being gay. The bisexual men I know are: married to men, date women but fuck men, date men but fuck women, or date/fuck all genders. This stereotype just doesn't hold water, and it plays into the larger problematic stereotype that all bi/queer folks seem to deal with - that you can't be bi/queer - you have to pick a side. Which is rubbish, really. And to say that men aren't sexually fluid is to discount their experiences and their stories. Attraction exists on a continuum, as does sexuality, and this is true for all genders.
One my my favourite YouTube vloggers, Arielle Scarcella, posted this awesome video just this past week where "Bisexual Guys Explain [liking] Men vs. Women". It was really illuminating to watch.
Another painful stereotype about bisexual men has to do with the transmission of HIV and STI's to women and this causes many women to expressly NOT date bisexual men. Women see bisexual men as risky and make assumptions about their honesty around self-reporting HIV, testing, and safe sexual practices. To those women, I like to give them a bit of a slap across the face and ask them when was the last time their cis-hetero male partner was tested. While it is true that gay and bisexual men are dis-proportionally affected by HIV, it does not stand to reason that all of these men are potentially HIV positive. Straight men can transmit HIV to their female partners too. Moreover, it's now been shown that biphobia puts bisexual men at risk for increased STI's because the stigma keeps them in the closet, and prevents them from seeking medical testing and care.
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This data is from 2009 - I'd like to see an updated graph. But the story is clear... |
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