October flew past like a banshee

It's been a rather busy month. Upon moving into my new shared den with Bear, we discovered a backup in our kitchen sink with a leak that went under the cabinets, oven, and seeped through the drywall and into the carpet in my bedroom. Seriously! I opened the door and that was the first thing I saw! So now our den is in a state of deconstruction while we wait for the restoration folks to send workers over to put our Humpty-Dumpty kitchen back together again. It's been more than three weeks without a kitchen sink or dishwasher, and we are not able to unpack and settle in the way we would like to.


October included important weeks like Mental Health Awareness Week and Invisible Disabilities Week. As I'm impacted by both of these issues, I had planned to write blog content about how I was engaging with it and also how I'm doing on those fronts. But then I caught a really horrible viral cold that knocked my ass flat for over a week and my brain capacity dwindled to what little I could manage.

Mental Health Awareness Week was brought to my attention at work (of all places) as my employer has been pushing for more awareness among it's workers on this front (and other wellness initiatives), which is positive. However, it also felt a little like lip-service as there was no real discussion of it in the workplace. I recall telling certain coworkers earlier this spring that I suffered from depression and S.A.D. I told them that when I'm at my lowest point, I feel so incredibly alone and that I believe no one cares at all about me. I know that these thoughts aren't mirroring reality, but this is how depression works folks. I think that was a bit tough for my coworkers to hear and they promptly changed the subject. But it's true. I've been struggling with the onset of my S.A.D. I can feel it creeping into my brain with foggy, dull wispy fingers. I sometimes feel powerless to stop it.

I'm trying to go outside every day that it's dry, and even if it's raining to get some "real air" into my lungs as recycled building air gets to me in winter time. I sometimes wonder that my depression will damage my romantic relationships. It does get in the way sometimes, and I internalize some guilt over it. I don't like being depressed. Most people seem surprised upon meeting me that I have it. But it's a real thing for me, and I'm trying to face it during a time when I feel really messed up and want to withdraw. But here I am, trying.

Invisible Disabilities Week as actually a "thing" I "celebrated" this year. I even changed my Facebook profile picture to include a frame to share my status with folks to raise awareness about how prevalent these types of disabilities are (in fact, they comprise the BULK of all disabilities). Firstly, let's define what a disability is with a friendly bear's help:

OK, so what are invisible disabilities? Well, there are many, many, many kinds. Here are just a few examples:

I've become disabled through three car accidents that took place about 7 years ago now. While I've definitely gained much of my functionality back over time, the chronic pain and muscle inflammation, chronic TMJ, and pelvic floor issues have kept me feeling like I've been treading water nonstop for the past several years. It's exhausting. My life is often about pain-mitigation. I have started carrying around my "donut" cushion again because my tailbone feels sore and needs the extra protection on hard transit seats. And speaking of transit.... I finally broke down and bought an Invisible Disabilities transit pass holder because I was so exhausted and heartbroken by the ageist ableist vitriol that was spewed at me by elderly riders.

The pass holder is pretty cool and it comes with 50 awareness cards that I can hand out if someone is curious about what an invisible disability is. I haven't worn the bracelet or lapel pin yet, but I plan to. I have an extra bracelet (that glows in the dark!) if someone would like to claim it. 😃

Ok, I think I'm out of spoons for this post. Stay tuned for more blogs in future about how these issues intersect with other aspects of my life.