This 2010 study shows that overall "bisexual women had significantly higher lifetime prevalence of rape and sexual violence other than rape by any perpetrator when compared to both lesbian and heterosexual women." Its important to note that the reported violence was only perpetrated by men (whether strangers or within intimate relationships). I find it interesting that its men perpetrating this violence.
Why are bisexuals being attacked? The media storm that was the divorce announcement of Amber Hear from Johnny Depp, provides a case study. Its clear from the court details that Johnny was physically and emotionally abusing Amber. Why he was abusing her is unclear. What was disturbing, however, was how the media was using Heard's sexual orientation as justification for her abuse! In a well-articulated Globe & Mail article, Cheryl Dobinson (a researcher LGBTQ health at Toronto’s Centre for Addiction and Mental Health) states:
“Being bisexual gets read as, ‘You’re up for anything, all the time.’ Women talk about having their consent assumed," said Dobinson. Young bi women have told her they often feel sexualized and “disposable” around male partners. “A person saying they’re bisexual doesn’t mean they consent to any and all sexual activity,” she said. “Even if a person is hypersexual, it doesn’t mean they consent this way.”
I found this chart that may be helpful for folks to understand how violence can be directed at bisexuals:
In my very first blog post, I mention how a lack of family acceptance/support for my diverse sexual interests led me to make some really unhealthy and unsafe choices as a teenager. What do I mean by that? Well, because I didn't feel accepted for who I was, I had to go outside my family to find that acceptance. Finding acceptance as a queer kid in middle school in the mid-1990's was damn near impossible. I mentioned my sexual questioning status to a few friends, and some of them felt the same way, but we didn't have any resources back then to support us the way LGBTQ2 kids have now. There weren't support groups at school, or programs run by the school counsellor, or posters or anything. How do you find acceptance for who you are when there don't appear to be any forums for you to find it?
Having no bi role models to look to, no family support, or any idea of how to develop my fledgling sexuality, I went back to what I knew - the closet and boys. I grew up knowing that I liked boys - liking boys was a part of my heteronormative upbringing, it was a part of my cultural dialogue. Since exploring my interest in girls seemed to be off the table after the dismal coming-out to my family, I dove into the world of straight "dating." I started to act out and tried alcohol (age 15 - last day of school) and drugs (age 16) to try and be accepted by my school friends. I engaged in risky sexual behaviours from the age of 16 onwards with men and I started to feel that sex meant acceptance (danger, Will Robinson!) I didn't have a strong sense of self-love nor good boundaries. I was first sexually assaulted at the age of 15. Then raped at my 19th birthday party. Then raped again at a frat party at age 21. The first two incidents happened with coworkers, the last one was a stranger. In all three cases, alcohol was a factor.
It could be easy for me to point the finger at my family and say, "you failed me!" But that doesn't take into account that in fact, society failed me. I am a statistic, a survivor, and I feel angry about the prevalence of violence towards women in our society. I am sad that my teenage self didn't have the tools, awareness, boundaries, or support in place to prevent the sexual violence that I have been exposed to.
After years of counselling to combat the affects of PTSD, fear of intimate relationships, trust issues, and internalized biphobia etc., I finally feel able to talk about the sexual violence in my past without feeling too triggered anymore. It still hurts, but I can compartmentalize my ideas from my feelings. Sometimes, something one of my partners says or does can trigger me about a past abuse, but I am able to communicate my needs in the moment and overcome any residual feelings of powerlessness.
Remember folks, that consent is king, and that no one has the right to do anything to your body that is hurtful or shaming. Peace and love to all my readers.
No comments:
Post a Comment